Deadpool discovers Twilight
by kshamen42
Summary: Just some fun, you know she had it coming, will add more chapters if people are interested.
1. Chapter 1

Deadpool discovers Twilight

First fanfic, 'Pools thoughts in bold and writers reply in italics. If there's any interest I'll add a chapter or two. Enjoy.

"You knew you had this coming right? If it wasn't me it was going to be someone else or the guy after him or the guy behind the guy who knows a guy that knows a guy who got dragged to watch those god awful movies too". The man with the red mask continued addressing the woman bound and gagged in the chair, "You should be happy Steph I didn't just go watch the movies and decide your garbage was garbage I even read the books… all four of them! **Fine they were audio books and I made blind Al listen to them then say the words to me,it still counts**

"Why? I just had to know why? I mean Vampire diaries I can get behind. The writers know what males want Nina Dobrev in a cheerleader outfit then a nurse outfit and then Katherine, yep definitely something I can get behind 'Pool winked at the obviously terrified lady.

_You know they are the same person right?_

**No way man Katherine is hotter.**

_Can you just tie this up already?_

**Don't rush me damnit! Do you know how many people would kill to kill her? I gotta make it special.**

The gun that Deadpool had been waving around while arguing with voices only he could hear went off. Boom the chair kicked back and toppled over, the woman's face now sporting a smoking hole in her forehead.

**Holy Taco on a stick look what you made me do! **

_You should be more careful with guns they are dangerous you know _**You're the damn writer you made me do it! **

_It's all good she's dead you did good._

**But I had a pop culture reference bad ass line to say before I killed her.**

_Really?_

**Yeah it was pretty good too. **

_All right you got me do it._

'Pool steps over the dead body and pulls out his gun aiming it at the center of her chest.

**Well? **

_Well what?_

**Why haven't you brought her back to life yet so I can kill her dumbass! **

_Oh you got to be kidding me I'm not messing with Death she's more insane then you are._

**So just shoot her again.**

_Pretty much unless you have a problem with that?_

**Works for me**

'Pool leaned in close now resting the gun on her chest "Are you ready Steph this is going to blow your mind no pun intended" he leaned in even closer to whisper into her ear "Your Beautiful" and pulled the trigger this time his bullet tore through flesh and bone before embedding itself in her heart.

_What the hell kind of line was that! _

**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA you shouda seen your face gotta tweet this** Deadpool whips out his phone frantically types out a messages while still laughing madly Funniest thing happened just got fanfic writer so bad lol lmao rotfl lmfao… Take that Lady Gaga.

_Are you going to do the line or not_

**Ok sheeeeeeeeeeeesh relax abit will ya**

Deadpool pulled out his second gun, pointing both and the dead body "This one is for Anne" and he fired "and Lestat" he fired again "and Louis and Akasha and David"

Twenty minutes later….

"And Marius and Pandora and Vittori" the gun clicked "Damn I'm out" he looked down at the bullet ridden corpse of what once resembled a woman and Deadpool felt good

**I'm pretty sure I'm getting a Nobel peace prize for ending all this team Edward and team Jacob crap, you think they will throw in some free chimichangas? **

It was then that Deadpool noticed the computer at her desk was turned on. **You know what would be funny if we went on all her sites and announced a new book coming out. **

_That's just mean…we should totally do that._

As 'Pool cleared the screen saver he was met with the face of a horrified reporter for Fox news. "You were on a Skype interview this entire time! Why didn't you say something" He glared accusingly at the vaguely human shape on the floor. He heard noise coming from the computer so he turned the volume up "We saw what you did you monster, all of America has seen you and you should know the cops are on the way'' 'Pool heard police sirens **I hear police sirens **this was not good thought Deadpool **This was not good **he was getting annoyed and wasting valuable time **Look your starting to piss me off cut that out **

_I was just trying something new sheeeeeeeeesh relax a bit will ya? _

**Nobody likes a smart ass unless it's me got that buddy?**

The sirens were getting closer. A new sound emerged, was that the sound of helicopters 'Pool thought **Those sound like helicopters hey I told you cut that out! **

_Couldn't resist but I'm done now scouts honor_

'Pool skidded on what was left of Steph's head as he smashed through the window and began to run.

_Hope you guys enjoyed read and review, any thoughts welcome_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Deadpool was running.

_Hey why are we running?_

"Yellow boxes? Where did the writer go?"

_I gutted him. He took way too long to update, why are we running?_

"Little girls and older woman chasing us" Deadpool as panting heavily as he ran while speaking to himself.

_USE THE %$#&ING TELEPORTER!_

"Broken"

_%$#&ing writer_

Deadpool ducked down an alley, he could still hear the shrill screams of the mob behind him. Dropping the body to the floor he kneeled oversucking in lungful's of air.

_Who's the stiff, we kill someone?_

"No, opposite" Deadpool picked up the unconscious body and threw it over his other shoulder. He looked to the buildings on either side. His eyes scanning the skyline. The mob was getting closer.

_Oh hey isn't that?_

**Sometime time before the time the above events transpired**

Life had been worse than usual for Deadpool after the Steph killing. At first he had enjoyed all the attention. The fan mail, the groupies the tons of parties he had been invited too. Sure there had death threats but he was used to that. There had also been a few crazies but Deadpool liked having the insane around it made him feel just that bit more sane. It was all good until missycullen142 entered the picture. The president of the New York Twilight club or Overmother of the Twilight chapter in New York as they preferred to be known. She had emailed him a warning.

-gona gt u dp no who u is wat u do WAT U DID 2 HER gona gt u-

'Pool had scoffed at the threat replying

-Sorry wrong number-

What was one little teen Overmother of a fan club do to him. Unfortunately he would soon find out.

The first contract he wrote off as a freak incident, some girl running in and blocking his only shot at the target. Then it happened twice more, two different girls warning his marks as if they knew about 'Pools contract. The penny finally dropped during a contract to take out a Jersey Shore cast member. A woman had jumped in front of the bullet just in time to save Snooki. When Deadpool rolled over the woman she spat in his face shouting "Cullen forever I go with the Overmothers blessing" before bleeding out. In her pocket he found a membership card to the New York Twilight chapter.

They got braver once they knew he was on to them. Started calling him up on fake contracts. Luring him to public places then openly mocking him. If only they knew who they were dealing with. The young ones he couldn't kill but he cut up their hair, left them stranded on rooftops really whatever he could come up with. The woman however, the over hormonal soccer moms who read twilight with one hand, he made examples of them. Eventually 'Pool grew tired eventually and they never stopped. It was strange they all shouted threats about the Overmother and they almost seemed happy to die. He was tired they had screwed up his contracts and now people would not hire him. None of the woman had given up the address of the chapterhouse no matter how much of their guts he spilled. Eventually 'Pool just Goggled it.

'Pool now stood outside the gates of the chapterhouse a classy uptown apartment complex.

"Allright missycullen142,time to play"


End file.
